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Funny Jokes about Aging

Old Age Quiz

Q: How can you speed up the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that curse of getting older - wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: No, seriously. How can I get rid of these crow's feet and all the wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It usually pulls them out.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they browse an antique store?

A: I remember these.

Q: Where can a man over 60 find a younger, good looking woman who is interested in him?

A: Try the bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a husband do when his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If he's handy with tools, he can finish the basement. Then when he's finished, he'll have a place to live.

Q: Why should 60+ people use valet parking?

A: The valet won't forget where he parked your car.

Q: Is it a common problem for 60+ year olds to have trouble with memory storage?

A: No. Memory storage is not the problem. Memory retrieval is.

Q: Do people sleep more soundly as they get older?

A: Yes, but it's usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should old people look for glasses?

A: On their forehead.

There is nothing left anymore to learn the hard way.
Things that you buy now won't wear out.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.
Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.
You can quit trying to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them anyway.
You can sing along with elevator music.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guy on the television.
Your eyes won't get too much worse.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People call you at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you???? "
You can get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You can eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.
In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.