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Our guide to Florida Hurricanes

 

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The Hurricane Season

Hurricane season runs from June through November. Anyone visiting Florida during these months can expect to turn on their TV and see warning news reports showing a white radar blob hundreds of miles away. The news reports will stress two points.

1. Don't Panic

2. This blob may be coming your way to kill you, or if you're lucky, just leave you homeless.

 

Preparing for a Hurricane

If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for a hurricane.

It is standard procedure in Florida to wait until the last possible moment before picking up supplies. Be sure to wait at least long enough so you'll see a free fight or two between people trying to buy a years supply of the wrong size batteries for their flashlights because the correct sized batteries were just purchased by that other customer. It's so much fun to watch impromptu sprawls that are more realistic than those wrestling people. And you don't have to pay good money to see them.

 

Don't Forget the Chickens

The Best Thing To Do


The best thing to do in the case of a hurricane is to carefully pack all of your valuables in your car, and drive to West Virginia. We suggest purchasing a house where you will be comfortable so you can stay there to live.

You'll want to be sure to get a few chickens. They come in handy, not for eating, but to feed the alligators that will appear after the storm.

 

Evacuation Routes

If you live in a low lying area, you'll want to have an evacuation route planned out. Evacuation Routes are the parking lots created on the local roads designed by the city council to be used by most of the people in a community while they use the back roads to get out of the city to higher ground.

 

How Do You Know If You're In a Low Lying Area?

Look carefully at your postal address. If it's in the state of Florida, you are in a low lying area.

 

Homeowner's Insurance

Homeowner's insurance is often considered the most important preparedness item you can't afford. Not what you can't afford to live without, but what you can't afford, PERIOD. We do have a couple of tricks that will help you get good affordable homeowner's insurance.

1.) Find a house that's built using the latest building techniques designed to help it withstand hurricanes.

2.) Make sure it's located somewhere in West Virginia.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any area along the coast that could be hit by a hurricane, your chances of getting affordable insurance is almost nil. After all, insurance companies are in business to get you to give them money, not to give you money in case your house happens to be damaged. If you do find insurance, the annual cost is likely to be roughly equal to the construction costs for a new home.

 

The Winds of Florida
Florida Jokes

Shutters

In case those pesky news reporters do say the hurricane is going to give your town a quick whirlwind visit, you'll want to be prepared to cover your windows with shutters. Shutters come in several flavor's.

Home built:

These are the 4 by 8 sheets of plywood nailed to the house that you'll see flying around during the storm. You can pick them up really cheaply off your lawn and garden if you're willing to wait until just after the storm passes.

Sheet-Metal Shutters:

These work well and make great sounds during the storm. It's especially fun to see people who've waited till the last minute to put these up because they get really wiggly.

Comerica Shutters:

If your house is paid for and you're willing to take out a second mortgage to buy them, these shutters can work quite well.

 

The New "Hurricane Proof" Windows

Along with also requiring a second mortgage, these new fangled windows are said to withstand hurricane force winds according to the salesman. Unfortunately, the salesman lives in West Virginia.

 

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