Funniest JokesWhat happens if you get scared half to death twice?
spc Bd 1 Bd 3
 
Share This Page

Clean Engineer Jokes

Our Great Gallery of Engineering Jokes

 

  • Top 25 Engineering Terms and Expressions (What they say and what they really
    mean)

    Customer satisfaction is believed to be assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer will settle for anything.)

    Please see me / Let's discuss it. (I need your help. I've screwed up again.)

    The project is in process. (It's so tied up in red tape that it's completely hopeless.)

    We're trying a number of different approaches. (We still guessing, at this point.)

    We're following the standard. (We've always done it this way.)

    Close project coordination. (We met together and had coffee.)

    Years of development. (It finally worked.)

    Energy saving. (Turn off the power to save electricity.)

    We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who understood the thing just quit.)

    We had a major technological breakthrough. (It's boring, but it looks high tech.)

    We're preparing a report with a fresh approach. (We just hired a couple of kids out of college.)

    Preliminary operational tests proved inconclusive. (It blew up when we flipped the switch.)

    Test results proved extremely gratifying. (Yahoo! It actually worked.)

    Please read and initial. (We want to spread around the responsibility.)

    Tell us what you are thinking. (We'll listen, but if it disagrees with what we've already done or are planning to do, forget it.)

    Tell us your interpretation. (Let's hear your bull.)

    We'll look into it. (Forget it! We've got so many other problems already, we'll never get to it.)

    No maintenance. (If it breaks, we can't fix it.)

    Low maintenance. (If it breaks, we're no likely able to fix it.)

    All new. (None of the parts are interchangeable with the previous design.)

    Rugged. (Needs major equipment to lift it.)

    Robust. (More than rugged.)

    Light weight. (A little less than rugged.)

    Fax it to me. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)

    I haven't gotten your email. (It's been days since I've checked my email.)


  • What was that again?
    Here are some great Engineering Jokes you're sure to enjoy
  • To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


  • A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

    "Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

    The group was silent for a moment.

    The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


  • There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

    They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

    The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is".

    The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

    The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

    The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999 It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.


  • Humor and Jokes
  • What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.


  • There are four engineers driving home from a car donation warehouse: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

    "Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again," says the mechanical engineer.

    "Well," says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

    "I thought it might be a grounding problem," says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

    They all turn to the computer engineer who had said nothing. "Well, what do you think?"

    "Ummm - how about if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"


  • Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


  • An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

    He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Home Men vs Women Jokes Dumb Criminals Old Age Jokes Girlie Wisdom Out of the Mouth of Babes Answer This Computer Jokes Engineer Jokes Physics Jokes Flying Jokes Christian Jokes Choir Proficiency Test Legal Jokes Regional Jokes   Montana   Florida   Florida Hurricanes   New England   Pacific Northwest Miscellaneous Jokes One Liners Pet Animal Jokes Police Jokes Puns Work Jokes
Car Games

Test your Skill

Test your skill with a computer mouse by clicking as many boxes as you can in 15 seconds.


Go To Our Site Map Tell A Friend About Us Our Related Links Suggestions and Comments Link To Us
Contact Us Tell Us About A Broken Link















B7
 
JokesClean.com

Site Map | Terms of Use | Privacy & Security | Contact Us | Purchase Agreement | Send Feedback
Humor and Funny Clean Jokes Gallery
© 1996-2005 by JokesClean.com All Rights Reserved.