|Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss
Funny Clean Pet Jokes
Dog and Cat Jokes
House Rules for Dogs and Cats. Post them where they can be read by your pets.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print belong to you and contain your food. The rest of the dishes belong to me and contain my food.
Please note, if you put a paw print in the middle of my plate or food, that does not stake a claim for it. It is still mine. I also do not find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
NASCAR did not design the stairway. It is not a racetrack. Trying to beat me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me will not help you win because I will fall faster than you can run.
A king-sized bed is the largest that is made. I cannot get anything bigger. I am sorry about this. Do not expect me to continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats are capable of curling into a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular next to each other and stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
Sticking your tail out straight and hanging your tongue out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I manage to beat you there and get the door shut, it is not necessary to whine, meow, claw, try to turn to doorknob, or squeeze your paw under the door to try to pull it open. I have to exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for many years -- feline or canine attendance is not required.
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit Us and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than children because they:
Click a picture below to read more funny pet jokes.
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