Florida in July

You know it's July in Florida when:

Hot water comes out of both taps.

You find out that a seatbelt buckle makes a pretty nice branding iron.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

You find out that you can get sunburned through your car window.

The birds need to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

You burn your hand opening the car door.

The temperature drops below 95 and you put on a sweater.

You can make instant sun tea.

Shade determines the best parking space, not distance.

Farmers feed their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

When you step outside at 7:30 a.m., you break into a sweat.

Potatoes cook underground. This is convenient because all you have to do is pull one out and add salt, pepper and butter.

You discover that asphalt has a liquid state.

You realize that it only takes two fingers to steer your car.

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