Clean Dog Jokes and Funny Dog Quotes

How Many Dogs Do You Need to Change a Lightbulb?

Boxer

Who cares? I can play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Greyhound

It isn't moving. Who cares?

Labrador Retriever

Oh, me, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeze? Please, please, please?

Golden Retriever

The day is young. The sun is shining. We've got our whole lives ahead of us. And you're inside the house worrying about a burned out bulb?

Jack Russell Terrier

I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the furniture and walls.

Cocker Spaniel

Why bother changing it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Australian Shepherd

First, let me put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Rottweiler

Try and make me.

Chihuahua

Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or - We don't need no stinkin' light bulb!

Border Collie

Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring I find that's not up to code.

Old English Sheep Dog

What light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see any light bulb!

German Shepherd

I'll change it as soon as I've led these people out of the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed anyone and made one last perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Dachshund

You know I can't reach that dumb lamp!

Poodle

Let me just blow in the border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails should be dry.

Famous Dog Quotes and Funny Dog Quotes

A dog is the only thing in the world that loves you more than he loves himself.
     - Josh Billings

We give dogs the time we can spare, the space we can spare and the love we can spare. In return, dogs give us their all. It is the best deal we have ever made.
     - M. Acklam

Do not accept your dog's admiration as being conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
     - Ann Landers

I wonder if other dogs think poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
     - Rita Rudner

The reason a dog has lots of friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.
     - Unknown

The average dog is a much nicer person than the average person.
     - Andy Rooney

There is no psychiatrist to be found anywhere in the world like a puppy licking your face.
     - Ben Williams

Dogs love their friends but bite their enemies. That is quite unlike people. We are not capable of pure love and always mix love and hate.
     - Sigmund Freud

Cats and women will do as they please. Dogs and men need to relax and get used to the idea.
     - Robert A. Heinlein

If your dog is too fat, you are not getting enough exercise
     - Unknown

A child's dog teaches them fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down.
     - Robert Benchley

Have you ever consider what your dog must think of you? I mean, you come home from the grocery with the most amazing stuff, pork, chicken, half a cow. They must think you're the greatest hunter on earth!
     - Anne Tyler

Anyone who doesn't know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog.
     - Franklin P. Jones

My dog worries about the economy because Alpo now costs $3.00 a can. That's $21.00 in dog money!
     - Joe Weinstein

If you think dogs don't know how to count, try this: Put three dog biscuits in your pocket and give him only two of them.
     - Phil Pastoret

If you pick up a dog that is starving and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
     - Mark Twain

Dogs may not be our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
     - Roger Caras

You can say any dumb thing to a dog and the dog will look at you as if to say, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
     - Dave Barry

My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.
      - Unknown